We all know how high the divorce rate is and that today there are more singles or people living together and not marrying than ever before.
People are afraid of commitment, and don’t see the point of marrying if it’s just going to end up in divorce. It is mainly in the west that divorces Happen so much. So lets take a look at what maybe going on to cause this.
Througout history people could not travel far from their home area and when a man decided it was time to take a wife he would visit her at her home, getting to know her family over a period of time. There were no automobiles to come and take the woman off to somewhere else unsupervised. Spending time with the other person’s family is a very good idea. You can see how they live their lives, what their hopes and realities are. You gain understanding of their world view points, and behavior patterns. Morals, faith or lack of. Patterns of behavior and speech all of which your future wife/husband will display down the road since that is what they have learned from being small. It is a useful window in time to look into your prospective future with this person in marriage to find out if you are compatible or not.
When the automobile arrived increasingly one went away from family to do things that may or may not have been suitable. Without supervision, or accountability often lust of the flesh takes place, especially with alcohol and drugs Inhibitions are laid in the dust. Resulting in sex taking place far too soon in a relationship. Sex forces the new relationship to a deeper level (because the two become one in the spirit realm,) than would have happened in a normal relationship of being friends and getting to know each other first.
Starting up a courtship is a very helpful place to start. You find out about the person and what they think, their hopes, dreams, expectations before you ever take the step of sex and marriage. You then know if this is a suitable person for you to spend the rest of your life with.
Meeting someone in a bar or similar type of environment where people are consuming alcohol lowers the tone of normal conversation and inhibitions subside. This is not the best way to tell if someone is going to be suitable for such a huge decision.
You are meant to be a virgin when you marry and your Hymen is broken by your husband you have entered into a holy union; a blood covenant. The Hymen bleeds called a ‘show’ this is a serious spiritual commitment. It is a blood covenant between the man and the woman which God takes very seriously. Blood is serious currency spiritually whether you like to believe it or not. It is ordained of God.
God did a similar thing with the shedding of the blood of his son Jesus Christ so we could become his bride. It is a covenant which is sacred and holy to God.
When you indulge in alcohol lust is more likely to arise making sex more likely to happen faster than if one was courting and marriage takes place. Outside of marriage Sex forces people’s hearts to become entwined in a premature way that cannot carry the weight of the long term relationship. Sex builds a bridge from one person’s heart to another and that is why God ordained it to be in marriage to protect the individuals spirit, emotions and heart and to create a safe stable environment for future children.
When people marry prematurely without really knowing each other and without knowing what they have in common besides sex it is no wonder people get divorced. They have built an unsustainable bridge that will collapse because they have not followed the architects master plan for marriage and the family.
The ‘love’ they thought is probably just infatuation or lust and often is not able to sustain the long-term goal of marriage. Once the urgency of sex has worn off what do you have to keep you together? How can you sustain a long term relationship in marriage when the foundation is not established? You cannot, it will collapse sooner or later. It takes commitment, giving, forgiving, faith hope and trust to build a good marriage and the help of God.
It is better to find out how this is meant to work from the creator who made male and female and instituted marriage, than from a school mate or pub mate who base their experiences on something that is not as good as they are bragging about. So here are some suggestions from the Bible, the best instructions before leaving earth.
Have people you are accountable to and talk things over with in your life, like what do you know about such a person because I would like to date them with a view to marriage or court them. Ask people you know will tell you the truth not just what you want to hear. Then be humble and take their advice.
Ask God for the right person tell Him what you want and ask Him to give you the right person in the right time. Timing is a big issue. Are you mature enough to handle a deep relationship? Are you healed in your heart before you leap into the next relationship? If not you will take all that baggage with you. so wait on God’s timing and ask His help; it will work out better for you in the long run.
Get to know the person’s family, church, group and just hang out with them watching and learning. Ask yourself if their goals, behavior are compatible with what you want. For example if your a strong Christian and they are not, don’t think that it will end up alright because most people once the newness of marriage has worn off will revert to old patterns and beliefs. You will find yourself in strife over many decisions, not least how to bring up future children, what is ok and what is not. Money issues will cause strife if you are not on the same page for example what to give to and what not. You need to be able to be on the same page to be able to build a good marriage.
Looks are not everything, yes they help, but even beauty fades but a beautiful heart lasts forever. What’s on the inside and constitutes character is far more important than looks. Love grows when it is properly nurtured and looks are in the eye of the beholder anyway.
So I am calling for re-instituting courtship instead of instant gratification with opposite sex to ward off heart ache and failed relationships. Anything good is worth waiting for. Let’s get back to basics here and have some healthy long lasting brilliant relationships and marriages to be an example for the next generations.